Taste, Trauma and Trying to Belong
It’s so funny because we always seem to think we have our own personal taste, and it’s so unique to who we are.
We even throw it around like we’re so ordinary, saying things like “I only wear cashmere” or “I’m a Celine girl, I couldn’t wear anything else, it’s just so me”.
But how much of our taste is really down to taste? What if the gourmand fragrances, the moodboard you create on Pinterest and the wellness routines you swear by are all simply a collection of everything you need to be seen, accepted and safe?
The Need of Belonging
French sociologist Pierre Bourdieu argued that the things we like, wear, eat and surround ourselves with our never quite neutral.
In his book Distinction, he concludes that taste is a weapon of class warfare and a way of separating ourselves from ‘them’ to keep the rules of power hidden in plain sight.
According to Bourdieu, the upper class shape the definition of taste while everyone else scrambles to imitate it.
Not because they actually like caviar, art or a playlist fuelled by Andrea Bocelli, but because they know liking it gets them through certain doors.
Think about it, how many of your preferences are yours, and how many are strategies for survival or to create a particular perception.
Taste as a Trauma Response
Let’s cut the crap.
Nobody wakes up craving discipline, or style, or luxury.
You crave these things because you were once judged, shamed, excluded or inspired. Something sparked a fire inside of you that no longer wants to be too messy, too emotional, too basic or too much.
For example:
The girl who grew up in a home of chaos and mess can finally attain her ‘white sofa era’
A woman who felt invisible in school will overcorrect with designer everything
A daughter of immigrants drowns herself in the luxury aesthetic to blend into a room where her name is mispronounced.
We call it taste, but sometimes it’s unhealed wounds in couture.
Habitus, Hustle and the Hunger to Belong
Habitus?
“What the hell is that?”, I hear you ask.
Coined by Bourdieu, the best way to think of the word ‘habitus’ is to think of it as an internal code that governs your habits, preferences and a sense of possibility.
It’s shaped by your upbringing, your culture, and your social position.
No matter your starting point or where you end up, your coding follows you.
Meaning, even as you change your outer world - a new postcode, a new career, a new income bracket, new friends, a new body, your inner compass is still wired by the world you came from.
This is why so many high-achieving women feel like impostors, because yes, you’re finally living the life you wanted, in the house, with a first-class ticket, scrolling your bank app with a paycheck that has way more zeros on the end than you could ever imagine…but yet, still haunted by the old identity.
And within that confusion lies your taste translator, where you decide to change the way you speak, study which wines to order, and swap out your H&M essentials for The Row
Because deep down, you still believe that as long as you look the part, you’ll finally belong, but do you?
And What About The Girls?
Earlier this year, I completed a short course in Psychology. Taking this course taught me to explore the hell out of critical thinking and look for some loopholes.
And I found one…
As interesting as Bourdieu’s findings are, I couldn’t help but think that there was a part of the exploration missing.
Bourdieu didn’t fully explore what taste means for women navigating a patriarchal system or radicalised expectations, or the exhausting dance of being palatable, not powerful, just to survive.
Feminists like Judith Butler and Beverly Skeggs pushed back as they argue that women don’t just use taste to perform class, they use it to quite literally stay alive, to self-soothe, to self-protect and often to hide.
As women being taught that being seen can be dangerous, you learn to create a version of yourself that is just visible enough to pass inspection.
Social Media as the New Field of Distinction
Fast forward to today, and Bourdieu’s theories can be found everywhere on your Instagram feed, on TikTok montages, Pinterest boards
Matcha over coffee? Status signal
Barre over gym - Tastemaker
Neutral wardrobe, bare skin, brushed through eyebrows? - The sole definition of what Bourdieu was talking about.
So you think you’re posting a morning routine, but you’re actually signalling your cultural capital, even if you don’t know it.
It’s the Diptypiqe candles, it’s quoting Audre Lorde while wearing a Skims bodysuit.
It’s living a lifestyle that suggests intelligence, wealth and worth without ever having to openly state it.
What If You Want More?
So… what now?
If taste is this loaded, this layered, and this political, are we all just standing on a stage performing 24/7? Not necessarily.
Take back control and make your taste your own again.
Let your routines be rituals, not performances.
Let your aesthetic feed your nervous system, not your ego.
Let your taste come from curiosity, not conformity.
You don't need to justify your love of loafers from Loro Piana or Matcha from Blank Street (both are questionable brands to support)
But you should ask: is this freeing me, or is it just helping me hide more aesthetically?
Finally
Bourdieu decoded the rules of power through taste. But women, especially powerful, complex, modern women, are playing a far more intricate game.
We don't just signal class. We signal trauma. We signal safety. We signal who we’ve had to become to be taken seriously.
You no longer have to perform worth. You just have to feel it.
Allow your taste to be a choice, not conformity, because freedom to choose is what real luxury looks like.
