9 Red Flags To Not Ignore When Dating Someone New
The world of dating is a complexed one, nothing is black and white and the difference between a flaw and a flag could be ever slight. Still, I show you how to avoid those wanting to waste your time and those simply trying to use you for a good time with my 9 Red Flags To Watch Out For While Dating.
1.Asking You Out Without Getting To Know You
So, they’ve made it into your phone book (be selective about how quickly you give your number out, after all having your number is direct access to you and that is something you should be choosy about, in all relationships).
This is the bit where you get to know each other much better, you’re no longer asking surface level questions, you want to know them on a deeper level. Yet, you find as soon as you’ve swapped numbers they immediately want to meet up. This really does come down to what you are comfortable with, for some this is standard, for others this is a major turn off.
This could be seen as a red flag because I’d be thinking if you are eager to meet this quickly how quickly are you meeting other girls? Do they really want to get to know you? Or are you just a ticked number? Go with your instincts, if you aren’t ready to meet just yet, politely decline their offer to meet so soon because you’d like to get to know them a bit more over the phone first.
2. It’s Giving Pen Pal
That said, notice if they don’t discuss meeting up at all.
If you have both been communicating regularly but there has been no talk about going on a date or when you bring it up, they change the subject, or don’t follow through, this is a red flag.
Someone who is genuinely into you would want to be in your company, physically, meaning pen pals is not an option. It might be time to give them an ultimatum explaining if there are no plans to go out soon you will simply move on. They may think you’re bluffing, but stand strong no matter how much you like them, you’re worth more than being strung along. It takes courage to ask someone out and they might be a bit shy, but if they were really into you, they would hear you out and make a move.
Side note: Asking you over to their house as a first or even second date is also not making plans. Such low effort should not be merited with your time so early in the dating stage.
3. They Don’t Show Interest In You
In the event they are grown up enough to plan a date and meet face-to face pay attention to how good they are at holding a conversation. You both should be trying to get to know each other one as much as the other.
Are they asking you questions? Do they seem interested in knowing your point of view? Are they giving you a chance to talk? Or do they spend most of the time talking about themselves?
If it’s the latter, it could be a sign they lack self-awareness or they are not as interested as you might have though they were.
4. Badmouthing Ex-Girlfriends, Ex-Wives, the Mother of Their Children etc.
I don’t need to tell you that if they talk about their ex too much it’s a warning sign in itself.
But in addition to this, a red flag that tends to go unnoticed is speaking badly about exes and those they dated before you.
This also goes for badmouthing the mother of their children, it’s so yucky.
And particularly so early in the dating stage. The last thing you want to sit through on a date is someone completely slating people you don’t even know.
It’s negative, and unnecessary, and takes what should be a good time in the wrong direction.
On top of that, my personal feelings are, if you can talk crap about your exes to someone you barely know, there’s a likelihood at some point you’ll talk shit about me. Red flag!!
5. They Don’t Have Any Friends
Although this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it is something to take note of.
Some people are loners by nature, they love their own company and are quite happy to live a life consisting of just themselves, close family members, and their dog, and perhaps the last piece of the puzzle is that someone special, you.
But, by not having any friends could mean they rely on you to always be available to them.
Which if you enjoy your space and independence might end up feel like a bit of a burden.
6. Signs of Love Bombing
Love bombing is a technique mainly used by manipulators and narcissists which to be honest aren’t too hard to come across in the world of dating.
The idea of love bombing is that the ‘love bomber’ portrays themselves as being madly in love with you very early in getting to know you however, the ulterior motive is to have you solely depending on them.
Love bombers will use specific tactics to get you to fall in love them quickly and intensely before ghosting you and playing mind games setting you up for long-term manipulation and sometimes abuse.
Gross, I know. And a major red flag.
A few ways to detect if someone might be attempting to love bomb you is showing early signs of intense/uncomfortable affection, showering you with lavish gifts, mirroring your interests, spending too much time together, asking you to spend time with them instead of your friends, calling and messaging you throughout the day and night.
If this sounds familiar start withdrawing and let them know you need some ‘me time’ put boundaries in place and see how they react to them, if they can’t respect your space, do what you can to end the situation, if you’re worried, you’re in too deep let friends and family know how you feel.
Real love makes you feel free, not trapped or suffocated.
7. They Don’t Respect your Boundaries
To avoid being trampled on, set yourself some standards and boundaries before you enter the dating scene. There are plenty of strange people in the dating world ready and willing to take your kindness for weakness.
Let your standards be known as soon as possible so they are aware of what you will accept from what you won’t. This might be a preference on where you like to be taken on dates, not sleeping with them on the first date, or agreeing not to meet each other’s children after only a month of dating.
Whatever your boundaries are, stand firmly by it, if they can’t respect what you have put in place it might be time to move on. Do not lower your standards to meet someone else’s expectations, that’s not fair on you, and besides, a person who is truly interested and sees something long-term will understand knowing you are worth the wait.
8. They’re Always so Negative
There’s nothing more insufferable than dating someone who is painfully negative.
Current worldly affairs are pretty grim, the last thing you need are multiple conversations about how awful life is.
Yes, it’s unfair and not realistic to expect someone to be happy, excited, inspiring, and positive all the time, but if the person you are dating is always complaining whether it be about work, their friends, their family, their finances, the government, the system…
Ugh! It can be extremely draining and taxing on your energy too.
If you they talk more about their problems and less about how they plan to solve their problems…red flag!
9. You Have a Bad Feeling
And when all else fails, listen to your strongest indicator, your gut.
That gut feeling is trying to tell you something and although our instincts can sometimes be wrong (thankfully), that niggling feeling that won’t go away should be acknowledged.
If something is bothering you but you can’t put your finger on it, the best thing to do would be to just ask.
If you think the person your dating is acting a little shady recently, ask them flat out.
Let them know things don’t feel the same, ask if they’re okay and how they feel about the direction of the relationship.
Maybe they’ve checked out and didn’t know how to tell you, or maybe nothing is wrong at all and they’ve just been busy and needed some space. Whatever you do, don’t jump to conclusions without knowing all the facts, always ask before assuming.
Final thoughts
Make sure you yourself also do not display any of these red flags too. Like attracts like, which is not always a good thing.
