How To Build BOUNDARIES and Have Them Respected
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Perception. A key player in the game of society and the reason many are conscious of how we behave and interact with our peers. How we are perceived can greatly influence the decisions we make as well as the pressure on ourselves to take actions we don’t necessarily want to do.
When we say yes, how much are we acting from a place of how we truly feel, and how much of it is just to ‘keep the peace’?
Why Setting Boundaries Are Important
To gain respect, you must first have developed certain level of self-respect.
Without self-respect, you may find yourself being walked over by those who are willing to take advantage of your kindness.
This does not mean that everyone around you will trample on you if given the chance, but setting boundaries lets people know how far they can push you before crossing a line.
Neglecting your boundaries is detrimental to your well-being and your practice of self-love.
Once you have established boundaries and increased your self-worth, saying "no" becomes much easier.
Nowadays, it may seem like always being available and constantly attending social engagements is a sign of success, but this actually has the opposite effect and gives the impression that you do not value your time or energy.
People who recognise this may try to exploit your lack of boundaries for their own gain.
Examples of Different Types of Boundaries
Setting boundaries in dating/relationships
In the early stages of dating, it’s always best to keep an open-mind because you don’t know what you’re walking into, and the other person is probably just as nervous as you.
To avoid walking head first into a toxic situation you should know what you are willing to accept from what you are not.
Remember, everyone is different and what is tolerable for some might not be for others.
Whether you’re in the early stages of dating or have been dating someone for a while, stay true to yourself, and stand by the boundaries you’ve set.
If the relationship is going well, and as you naturally grow closer you might realise you become willing to be flexible with your boundaries to suit the level of the relationship, just be sure you are willing to bend your boundaries because the connection is genuine and not out of fear of being alone.
Setting boundaries with friends
In friendships our boundaries tend to be much more relaxed in comparison to dating.
We have more trust in our friendships, for many our friends are like family and as a result of this we feel comfortable enough to let our guard down.
There’s a tendency to believe that a healthy friendship can naturally sustain itself without any boundaries in place however, this is quite the opposite.
And a long-lasting friendship is not just built upon boundaries but a mutual respect from both sides of those boundaries
This might look like giving each other space, reciprocity in effort to make plans, respecting a difference in opinion, honesty and at the same time not feeling obliged to disclose personal information you are not comfortable sharing.
Setting boundaries with family
They say ‘blood is thicker than water’, although sometimes it means we set aside our true feelings so not to rock the boat.
Today, when we talk about boundaries it’s usually in reference to friendships or romantic relationships, yet how we set the tone for these relationships stem from the one we have with our family.
Setting boundaries amongst your family might be what you need to distance yourself from toxic or pushy members who criticise you constantly pressure you into marriage or having a baby.
It may even be keeping a distance from family members who have a negative energy which drains you completely.
Avoid situations like this by not feeling as though you must attend every family event and take time out for yourself.
Other ways to put boundaries in place might include having the ability to stand up for yourself, breaking cultural traditions and giving yourself permission to have your own identity, and the freedom to express your own thoughts, even if it goes against ‘the way things have always been done’.
The Different Ways You Can Say No
Setting boundaries is an integral part of self-care, builds healthy relationships, and prevents burnout, it also allows you to explore your comfortability in certain situations.
Though, to truly become comfortable requires a level of confidence in learning how to say no.
That tiny little word can be one of the hardest things to say without feeling guilty, worrying over appearing mean, and a fear of missing out.
The thought of saying no is much easier than actually forming the word itself, here are a few substitutes for saying no the next time you feel backed into a corner.
I'd love to but I can't
Can I think about it and get back to you?
I'm unavailable, but thanks for thinking of me
Sounds like a great idea but I can't right now, but maybe another time
Thank you for thinking of me, but I won't be able to attend
Unfortunately, I have other commitments
I’m sorry, I’ve changed my mind
I'm flattered you thought of me, but I'm afraid I'll have to pass this time
I'm sorry, but I can't help you this time
Thanks, but no thanks
Final Thoughts
Learning to say no is a challenge, one which results in immediately saying yes so not to hurt or offend the other person, but then regretting it later.
The bridge between setting boundaries and learning how to say no improves your mental well-being by honouring your feelings, needs and limits.
When you learn to say no is when you begin to say yes to wellness, and consequently putting yourself first.
More Tips & Advice
The more you practice saying no, the easier it becomes.
Examples of setting boundaries in the workplace are accepting more overtime than you can do, being pressured into socialising after work, engaging in inappropriate or office gossip
Billionaire businessman, Warren Buffet, famously stated, ‘successful people say no to everything’
