How To Break The Cycle of SELF-SABOTAGE
Self-sabotage, the enemy of our own thoughts silently working against us.
Whether it’s in our careers, our relationships, or personal growth, self-sabotage manifests in ways that prevent us from achieving our true potential.
What Causes Self-Sabotage and the Impact
Often enough behavioural patterns that do not match with the person you want to become are the barrier which lay in the middle of the two, and takes a conscious effort to overcome.
These behaviours commonly stem from self-doubt, inner fears, insecurities, and past experiences.
There are various reasons as to what causes self-sabotage, let’s look at a few of those causes.
Perfectionism and Procrastination
Often going hand in hand, perfectionism and procrastination are the destructive duo in the cycle of self-sabotage.
Perfection is the enemy of progress, because holding yourself to an impossible standard leads to setbacks and not taking risks which would otherwise be the route to success.
When you’re nervous to take risks it causes you to procrastinate, something I know all to well. Long before I knew about the importance of self-concept, I always labelled myself as the ‘procrastination queen’
I would put things off right up until the last minute, stress myself out and then complete the task, which funnily enough I would always receive positive feedback on.
But despite the positive feedback, I knew I couldn’t continue working this way if I wanted to become successful.
Procrastination comes with a negative domino effect leading to feelings of guilt and inadequacy, reinforcing a perfectionist’s belief that they you not good enough.
The cycle goes on where very little is accomplished, and what is accomplished is never quite to your satisfaction.
Lack of Self-Care & Self-Esteem
Another cause of self-sabotage is a lack of self-care and not prioritising your own needs,
Neglecting your physical, emotional, and mental well-being, makes it harder to make decisions that are in your best interest.
This neglect often stems from low self-esteem—the belief that we are not deserving of good things or that we are incapable of success in multiple areas of our lives.
Low self-esteem causes you to engage in behaviours that delay success, such as staying in toxic relationships (including friendships), avoiding challenges, or failing to set boundaries.
Without prioritising self-care, it’s easy to fall into patterns of self-neglect and self-sabotage, continuing the cycle of unfulfillment.
The Impact in your Life
The Impact in Your Career
As I previously mentioned, perfectionism is the obstacle from taking risks, however from not taking risks can leave you to self-sabotage at work.
This results in:
Constant job changes
Not speaking up for yourself in a team
Missed deadlines
Doubting your abilities, leading to missed opportunities for a promotion
These behaviours can result in a lack of career progression, overall unhappiness in your role, and even a job loss.
The Impact in Your Relationships
More commonly known is to cause self-sabotage in relationships, I’ve certainly done it.
If you’ve had long-standing issues with dating or in friendships, you may find it difficult to trust others.
A lack of self-confidence might have you constantly seeking validation, clinginess, overbearingly checking in on them or settling for way less than you deserve.
It might be the complete opposite and you may compare your current relationship to your previous history and decide it’s not going to work so you call it quits as a way to not get hurt.
These patterns can create a barrier to forming deep, meaningful relationships with others, and can lead to loneliness and disingenuous relationships.
Signs You are Self-Sabotaging
Dr. Joe Dispenza says we spend at least 95% of our time operating from our subconscious mind where our habits and behaviours are stored.
This means most our days are running on auto pilot and aren’t conscious of the things we need to change. To help you identify whether you are self-sabotaging here are some signs you should look out for.
1. Seeking instant gratification and looking for short-term pleasures i.e. settling in relationships you’re not happy with, excessive eating of junk food, skipping workouts, frivolous spending
Negative self talk, criticising yourself or doubting your abilities.
Setting unattainable standards and being overly critical of your work.
Avoiding challenges or new opportunities due to fear of not succeeding
Lack of self-care, boundaries
Feeling unworthy of success and happiness
Uneasiness or discomfort when you start to progress
Making excuses
Seeking external validation
Taking on board others’ unfair criticisms of your appearance or personality
Not aligning your actions with the person you want to become
Isolation, withdrawing from others or pushing them away when things get difficult
How to Stop the Cycle of Self-Sabotage
Self-sabotage doesn’t define who you are, and is something that can be worked on slowly and steadily until that inner voice no longer prevents you from happiness and success.
It requires a combination of self-awareness, mindset shifts, and intentional action.
Here are some ways to help you stop sabotaging yourself:
Replace Negative Thought Patterns
Negative self-talk is a common trigger for self-sabotage.
You can’t completely put an end to negative thinking but you can minimise it by replacing it with positive thinking using positive affirmations.
When you catch yourself thinking, “I’m not good enough,” challenge that thought with evidence of your past successes.
Instead of focusing on what could wrong, think about all the things that could go right.
Reflect on your strengths and accomplishments, and remind yourself that making mistakes is part of the learning process.
Boost Your Self-Awareness
Freeing yourself from self-sabotage is not an overnight job, it takes time, effort, and self-awareness.
It takes courage to be able to look at yourself and know, it’s you. Take time to reflect on your actions and their consequences.
Journaling can be a helpful tool in this process, allowing you to identify patterns in your behaviour and thought processes.
Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, can also help you stay present and aware of your actions and their impact.
Not Comparing Yourself to Others
You've probably heard the saying, "Comparison is the thief of joy," and it rings true. Comparing your chapter one to someone else's chapter five only adds another obstacle in your journey to success and happiness.
Social media is a prime example of this. It's a playground for comparison, where it's all too easy to make assumptions about someone's life based on a curated collection of photos and videos.
Avoid the need to compare at all costs. Unless you know someone personally, you can't know their struggles or the sacrifices they made to reach their current point. Instead, focus on your journey—that's the one that matters most.
Seek Professional Help
If the idea of stopping the cycle by yourself is too challenging, try seeking professional help.
A therapist will be able to work closely with you on tips and strategies to help you start the process of transforming your life.
Final Thoughts
Breaking the cycle of self-sabotage is not easy, but it is possible with the right strategies and mindset.
By recognising the signs, understanding the causes, and implementing changes in your thought patterns and actions, you can begin to overcome self-sabotage and discover the best version of yourself
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