How To Prioritise Yourself Without Feeling Guilty
Growing up we’re often encouraged to be mindful of not becoming selfish, and that it would fare better for us if we practiced putting the needs and attention of others before ourselves. However, in more recent times we have come to learn that without the right balance between selfishness and selflessness, this could put us at a disadvantage when we discuss topics such as self-love.
Why prioritising yourself is important?
If you want to get the most out of life, and make the most of your potential (which is usually much greater than you think) the first component you need is a sense of self-worth. Self-worth is born out of self-love which comes from knowing how to prioritise your needs and understanding the importance of putting yourself first.
Prioritising yourself allows you to build a great level of self-respect and consequently changes the way you live your life and how others treat you.
Here are a few ways you can do this.
Practice self-compassion, in both thought and action
The conversation you have in your mind will ultimately set the tone for the type of relationship you build with yourself. This also sets the tone for every relationship you have outside of yourself.
If you’re struggling to make genuine friendships, not experiencing long-term romantic relationships, or you find it difficult to create healthy connections with your co-workers, it’s time to go back home…
What I mean is, it’s time to start looking within, looking for a behavioural pattern that might be preventing you from building something authentic. The truth is, you can’t control how other people treat you, but you can control how you allow yourself to be treated. And you do this by setting standards and sticking to them. If over the years there has been a pattern of disingenuous friends and casual flings when you desire something more sustainable, in order to break the cycle, you must be willing to hold yourself accountable for what you could have done differently.
Whether you find out you have a lack of boundaries in friendships, a lack of standards set in dating, the inability to be happy on your own, or a being a people pleaser because you think that way at least you will be liked, the next thing is to practice self-compassion, this will change the way you see yourself and in return change the way others see you.
Speak to yourself the way you would want other people to speak about you. Remind yourself of your strengths and qualities, think about what you have achieved in your life up until this point, big and small, practice self-love and physical self-care, take time off when you’re experiencing burnout.
Learn to say no
One thing you should do for yourself if you were to do nothing else is, learn to say no. Becoming a people pleaser is doing a huge disservice to your self-respect and learning to say no is something you.
You might think that by always saying yes and being so readily available makes you appear more attractive to potential partners, or that you would be considered a great friend because you are always the one who says yes to a night out, or that you are in line for a promotion at work because you always say yes to overtime. This could not be further from the truth, in fact by always saying yes gives off the impression that lack standards and boundaries and if you are in the wrong company, it’s basically open season for you being taken advantage of.
Has there been a time while you were dating, in a friendship, or at work where the relationship or situation completely broke down but couldn’t understand why because you felt you gave so much of your time to that person?
Take note of the saying ‘familiarity breeds contempt’ this means too much close proximity with something or someone over a period of time can lead to them having a lack of respect for you.
Instead, balance out your availability by learning not to say yes to every date, to not say yes to every night out, not saying yes, every time your boss asks you to do more than you are required. Prioritise yourself by learning to say no, this will allow you more time to focus on yourself and others will view you at a higher standard.
Use a wellness journal
Do not underestimate the power of journaling, it can improve your mood and bring clarity to your thoughts almost instantly!
Journaling can help you to break away from old patterns and habits and rebuild them, also a really good wellness journal is a fun way to optimise your wellbeing. Use the Coffee Moon Wellness Journal to help you relax, focus on your goals, clear your mind and feel more positive.
Spend time doing the things you love
Set time out of your schedule to do the things you love to do. Maybe you love to play music, but when was the last time you pulled out your guitar? When was the last time you went for a hike? How long has it been since you visited an art museum?
The worst thing you can do is go through life, get to the end, and realise you spent so much of your time prioritising others and worried about what they might think, you didn’t give anything to yourself.
Dedicate time to doing what you love, it doesn’t need to take up an entire day either, it could be anything from a long hot bath to having breakfast at a cute café, as long as you feel as though you have done something for yourself.
