How To Recognise When A Relationship Is Becoming Unhealthy
It may seem as though once you get past the early stages of dating and both decide to be exclusive, that you have now entered the relationship stage home dry and well on your way to a fairy tale ending.
Wrong.
A fairy tale ending takes work, and a healthy relationship based on a good balance of honesty, commitment, trust, communication and respect requires even more work.
Despite the work it takes to build something special, the process should be fun, exciting, based on love, friendship, and compromise which unfortunately is not always a guarantee in every relationship.
No relationship is perfect, but at the bare minimum being with someone you love and care for should at least feel healthy.
Unhealthy relationships do not always show straight away, and can develop over time for many reasons such as a loss of respect, a lack of interest, not wanting to commit, dishonesty, consistently arguing and a lack of trust.
I personally believe relationships should be worked on before calling it quits, however if after trying everything to salvage the relationship there is no resolve, that is your sign this person isn’t for you and it’s time to move on.
Here are a few signs to detect whether your relationship is becoming unhealthy:
One Sided, A Lack of Effort, Chasing
Effort in a relationship isn’t always balanced, and that is okay.
We all go through times when we’re feeling feel down, or sad, uninspired and frustrated meaning your partner might not be as responsive as they usually are.
You might need to give more than what you are getting as it would be unfair to expect your partner to always show up and prioritise your feelings while at the same time looking after themselves too.
However, and a big however, there is a huge difference between your partner needing some breathing space and being in a one-sided relationship.
If you are always the one putting in effort to communicate, to make plans and it’s not being reciprocated, it may be a sign they have either become complacent, starting to lose interest or both.
In a healthy relationship you shouldn’t feel as though you are constantly having to chase your partner, there should be give and take from both sides.
Co-Dependency
Co-dependency can stem from a number of things such as low self-esteem, feeling as though you can’t say no to your partner and a fear of abandonment.
During a relationship it is important you are also able to keep a sense of independence by being able to do things on your own or at least with your friends and family.
A relationship based on co-dependency where you rely heavily on your partner to have a life can cause resentment later down the line.
Controlling Behaviour
Controlling behaviour is a no-brainer for a red flag. Having your movements, beliefs and decisions held under a microscope and controlled is creates toxicity.
Relationships should allow enough space for you to be yourself and enough compromise to be together in a healthy way.
Jealousy
Being in a relationship is like being in a team of two, it’s rooting for your partner through the good times as much as the bad.
Your partner should encourage, inspire, and support your dreams then feel a sense of joy once you have accomplished them, no matter how big or small.
A healthy relationship is not a competitive one, your partner should want to see you win, not feel jealous of your successes and see them as a threat.
Low-Self Esteem
Following on from the previous point, having no support or affection from your partner can take a hit to your self-esteem.
If your partner loves and cares for you they should want to uplift you, if you don’t feel as though you have been getting this, something needs to change.
Holding Grudges, Unable to Resolve Conflict
If you believe you will ever have a successful relationship without any arguments with your partner, think again.
Unless you’re dating a ‘yes man’ expect that you won’t agree on everything, and it’s not a bad thing, in fact a difference of opinion can keep your relationship interesting, it also shows you have your own mind.
However, after a disagreement both sides must be able to come back to a common ground to avoid tension in the relationship.
Final Thoughts
Unhealthy relationships can suck the life and joy out of what is supposed to be a loving, fun and romantic experience.
If you recognise any of the points made above in your own relationship, speak to a friend or family member first, someone you trust and who isn’t judgemental, see if it’s something you and your partner can work through, if not it might be time to go your sperate ways.
Relationships thrive when both people involved offer love, care and respect to each other, equally.
